Everyone goes through difficult times, whether it concerns their health, their job, their relationships, or other events that come upon them unexpectedly. When we see people around us struggling through these things, the humanity within us wants to help and support them; yet, we don’t always believe that’s the case when it comes to our own difficulties.
Learning to ask for and accept help takes practice. It’s more than okay to ask for help, it’s a good thing! So don’t be afraid to ask yourself what is holding you back and try to understand how to overcome those misgivings.
How We Feel
Often, in the midst of hard times, it’s hard for us to see anything else that’s going on other than the problem at hand. Our problem is all we think about and worry about, which is a sure fire way to burn ourselves out.
We may feel isolated like no one can possibly understand exactly what we are going through. We may begin to feel helpless to change or control our circumstances, and the more we focus on these feelings and make space for them, the more likely we are to accept them and do nothing to change them.
At this point, it becomes easier for us to keep to ourselves, consumed by our negative thoughts, rather than making an effort to break to the cycle by reaching out to someone. Hopefully, we can begin to recognize that we need help to overcome the thing we are struggling with and make the effort to put those changes into motion.
What’s Stopping Us?
Maybe deep down inside we already know that these consuming feelings are self-defeating, but that doesn’t make it any easier to open our mouths and say the words that will get us the extra support we need. Doubts and fears enter our minds trying to prove why asking for help could be a bad idea.
Some common excuses we make for not asking for help are as follows:
- You feel embarrassed for struggling.
- You feel uncomfortable talking about this particular thing.
- You’re afraid of people thinking you’re weak, incapable, or less in some way.
- Telling someone means it’s real, and if it’s real, it can affect you negatively.
- Your feelings and worries won’t be taken seriously when you finally open up.
You might think you’re the only one experiencing these things, but you’re not alone.
We avoid facing these things because we’ve seen them happen before, whether in our own lives or someone else’s, but don’t forget that not everyone will respond in the same way. There are people who will understand what you’re going through.
Dismissing Our Fears
One of the hardest but most vital things for us to do is to learn to dismiss the fears that are irrational or holding us back. They will continue to crop up throughout life, and if we let them have the upper hand, they will eagerly take it, meaning we’re kept from some amazing opportunities, growth, and relief.
Dismissing your doubts may be as easy as presenting a logical opposing argument. For other people, it may mean learning not to care what people think and simply focusing on what you need to do to reach your goal, no matter what steps it takes to get there.
This is something unique to each person, but it doesn’t hurt to try out every option until we find the one or ones that work for us. They may do just enough so we have the courage to speak to one person, and once we get that first anchor, it’s easier to take that next step forward.
It Takes Time
The first time we reach out is always the hardest, but that doesn’t mean it’s also the most successful. Asking for help is a continual process, which means we may need to repeat the steps of dismissing our fears and taking the courage to speak up several times.
But once we do, this is a process we can continue to use whether we’re talking to a counselor, working with cancer specialists like www.tetoncancer.com, or bringing up concerns in a meeting with a supervisor.
It will take time, practice, and several attempts to not only ask for help but also to figure out the full extent of what you need help with.